The Dance.

Up and down. All around. Riding glorious highs. Crashing and burning in the lowest lows. It's a masquerade gone insane. A dance I don't know. I'm all out of step as they circle around me. I'm spinning and dizzy. Down down, further down. Which mask is it? They go so fast I can't even see their eyes, just their sneering mouths taunting me.

STOP!

They all collapse. Masks fall upon empty piles of clothes. Vanished. Sanity returns and I'm all alone.

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Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last couple of months.

Death becomes us

Yesterday evening I found out my grandfather died. I wasn't close to him, in fact I never got to meet him. He lived in India, and the only time I ever went to India I just visited my dad's side of the family. Anyway, I handled the news pretty well. I swallowed the sadness in my usual fashion and succeeded at not thinking about it.

I've never had a panic attack before, but I'm pretty sure I had one earlier today. I was just sitting around browsing recipes online when all of a sudden it was hard to breathe and I seriously felt like I was going to die. Then I just burst into tears. I sobbed uncontrollably for probably half an hour.

I'm fine now, just shaken. I had no idea that an emotional reaction as strong as that could just creep up on me. Oh well. You live and you learn, right?

In other news, I'm settling into Baltimore quite nicely. It gets seriously cold and windy here, but the city's got a lot of charm (hence the name Charm City) and character. Dare I say I actually enjoy it here?

Need your opinion..

My contract at the current hospital ends February 16th. I could extend my contract there and stay in L.A., but I kinda want to travel around some more. So where should I go next? I was thinking either New York or San Francisco. All comments, suggestions and smart remarks welcome.