The most surreal night of my life

I wrestled with blogging about the happenings on the night of October 12th simply because the shock value is so high. Who am I to deprive my (few) readers the juicy details of my life...

Background: A month and a half earlier M disappeared from my life for the millionth time. However, in the past two weeks M was trying to get back in touch with me. He was calling me, texting me, wanting to hang out again. He even apologized for being an asshole to me.. which is a big step for someone as egotistical as he is.

It was a Friday like any other. I didn't have to work and I felt like going out. I finally caved and called Max to see if he wanted to go to Miss Kitty's - strictly as friends. He agreed and I headed to his place at 8:30 with a bottle of chilled Nigori sake to pregame. We talked, we drank, then we called a cab to take us to Miss Kitty's.

We arrived at Miss Kitty's around 9:30 in order to take full advantage of the $2 well drink special that lasts until 10. Even the drink special isn't enough to get people to come out to a club before 11, so instead of dancing I got my first two vodka cranberries and carried them to the heated outdoor area to smoke and drink. I finished my first drink then the unimaginable happened: It started raining in L.A. Since Max was off talking to one of his friends I ended up staying outside, but huddled under a small awning with a girl I had never met before.

"I guess I should introduce myself since we're practically on top of each other. My name is [Siena]."

She laughed. "[Lipstick], nice to meet you."

We ended up talking about each others drink and smoke selections. We were both smoking cloves.. hers were lights, mine were blacks. We bonded over the fact that we were both new to L.A. Somehow she started talking about her ex-girlfriend and I started talking about my limited experience with women. When we were done smoking we decided to hit on each other some more inside, where it wasn't raining. By this point I had half a bottle of sake and two vodka cranberries. I was feeling kinda nice.

M materialized at some point and started hitting on Lipstick. He pulled me off to the side at one point while Lipstick was buying us drinks and said to me "Oh my God, she's hot! Have you ever had a threesome?"

Me: No
M: Want to have one?
Me: Umm, sure!

Over the course of the next hour, M tried hitting on Lipstick, but it was very clear she was only interested in me. M took the hint and let us continue our now drunken flirtation. We ended up making out, and apparently M had hunted down the photographer and told him that if he wanted a picture of two hot girls making out that he should hurry. So unknowingly, the club photographer snapped a very lovely picture of me making out with Lipstick. Here's the evidence:



Around midnight M asked Lipstick and me if we wanted to go to Popstarz with him and his friends. We agreed, then all three of us piled into Lipstick's very comfy BMW X5 and were off. As we got drunker and drunker, the rain kept coming down harder and harder.

After much drinking, dancing, and making out at Popstarz M wanted to continue the party at his friend DJ's place. As soon as we got there, Lipstick and I immediately made ourselves cozy on the couch. M and his gay friends were totally not into the scene, so they went into DJ's bedroom to do some coke.

Long story short, she and I got to know each other very intimately. Unfortunately I had waaay too much to drink, so ten minutes after we finished putting our clothes back on I ran to the bathroom to vomit.

M walked into the bathroom while I still had my head practically in the toilet. When I was done he helped me up and helped me get clean. Then he pulled a small vial out of his pocket and a two inch long straw. He emptied some of the contents of the vial on the counter beside the sink. Cocaine. He cut a line then turned to me.

M: Here, do this. It'll make you feel a lot better.
Me: I've never tried it before.. Okay..

So I ended up doing coke for the first time in my life. Then M hugged me.

Me: What are you doing?
M: I know I said this before, but I need to say it again. I am SO sorry for the way I treated you. I finally understand how much I hurt you, and I swear to you I will never do that to you again. I love you so much.

This scene was probably a lot more pathetic than I remember, considering M and I were both drunk and coked out. I was so fucked up that I started crying hysterically telling him he had no idea what he had done to me, that he could never understand what it's like to feel completely abandoned.

M just kept hugging me throughout my whole emotional catharsis and kept saying he was so sorry and that he loved me. When I was done he wiped away my tears and led me to DJ's bedroom. We laid down on the bed and he held me until we both fell asleep.

What seemed like an eternity later, DJ woke us up to take us back to M's place. At some point while M and I were passed out Lipstick left. I looked at the clock in DJ's car: 4:30 am. As soon as M and I were back to his place we crawled under the covers on his bed and passed out again. Around 6 am the sound of the rain beating on the window woke M and me up. Without a word, we looked at each other and could see the longing for each other. So much for just being friends.

Later M told me that it hurt him to see me hook up with Lipstick, but he knew he had fucked things up with me so he didn't try to intervene.

Summary of the most surreal night of my life:
Had sex with two people.. one male, one female
Did coke for the first time
Had someone profess their love for me while coked out

Some postscripts:
Coke is a truth serum for me. Ask me anything and I will tell you the whole unadulterated truth.

I never called Lipstick and haven't seen her since.

My reunion with M was predictably short lived. We were back to being platonic by Halloween.

M moved to Canada last week. I was at his going away party.

A New Day

So things are starting to look up in my life. I've got a plan, I've got ambition, I've got a better job, and I have people who care about me. There are a few people who have all but vanished off the face of the planet but on the other hand there are people with whom I've forged stronger bonds. :-)

Keep trekking through the wilderness

I feel so burned and hurt by my current career. Losing my job two months ago and not knowing why really affected me. I almost expect to be canned at any moment for no reason. It's to the point where I really don't care about my patients and I'm just going through the motions. It's not fair to them and it's not fair to me. It's time for a change.

I've started researching the GMAT so I can get into an MBA program ASAP. I really can't do nursing anymore, for my own sanity. It's a boatload of cash, but I couldn't care less about the money. I just want to be done with it and move on to other things. Is that overly dramatic? Yeah, I know. Don't judge me.

On a side note, I've noticed that men use me as a springboard to better things. I'm the female version of Good Luck Chuck. I've been left for other women more times than I care to admit.

Life is grand.

It's never enough, is it?

So I can't wait to go back to South Carolina to visit all my friends and family. I'll arrive at 7am November 23 and leave at 9am November 26th. Thanksgiving is gonna be hectic! Truth be told I'm a bit homesick. There are things back home that have been painfully lacking in my life here in L.A.

In other news, if anyone has found my perfect match then please let me know. I'm desperately seeking him.

Before the fire consumes me

M called me last Friday at 10am and said "Oh my God. I'm freaking out right now. I just lost my job." I pried a few details out of him and immediately hopped out of bed, showered, and headed to his place. We talked and I consoled him, then we decided to hop on the 101 and just drive north for as long as we please. We drove through the 95 degree Valley, causing M to reminisce about his childhood.

50 miles later M told me to take an exit labeled "Pt Mugu". I kept mentioning to M that I wanted to hit the coast eventually, but he kept ignoring me. I figured he was in one of his moods so I just went along with it. We drove through a vast expanse of perfectly flat farmland, just like in the movies. Eventually we made our way onto the 1. There were gorgeous brown barren mountains lining our view.

Then there it was.



The mountains opened up and the sky seemed to stretch out forever over the bright blue ocean. We were at a part of the coast called Point Mugu. And by the way, the 1 is also called the Pacific Coast Highway (PCH), which I did not know at the time. We pulled over at a secluded stretch of rocky coast and ventured out like two curious children.







We played in the waves and we explored the flora and fauna of the tide pools. Alas, not all good things can last. We embraced passionately before we knew we had to leave. We drove south on the PCH through Malibu to Santa Monica and then back to our humble lives in Los Angeles.



I find it terrible to think that the next day Malibu caught fire. I mourn for those who lost their homes and belongings in the fires. I'll forever be grateful for the beauty I got to behold that day.

Movin' on up

I haven't blogged in a while because I have been SO busy the last two weeks! I tied up loose ends with my new contract, went all over town faxing, photocopying, and mailing things, moved into a new place in Silver Lake, got settled, and started my new job on Monday. Now that I'm mostly settled I'm having a housewarming party on Saturday night for which I have spent very little time planning.

If you didn't know already, I turned vegan a week and a day ago. I read the book Skinny Bitch and now I can't imagine consuming animal products ever again. The first few days were really difficult, but after just a week I feel healthier, have a much smaller appetite, and I've lost some weight. Thankfully I live in Silver Lake now.. It's the hippie part of Los Angeles and is loaded with vegan restaurants. I won't, however, give up the leather goods I own right now. I won't buy anymore leather, but it doesn't make sense to just toss the leather stuff I have now. Don't judge me.

Life is good right now. It's nice to be in a seemingly stable situation again. There's that one thing missing still, though. Neither you or I know what it is, but you know what I'm talking about. The one amorphous thing that each person desires. *sigh* That's life, right?

Dominated

Man have I got a story to tell, but I'm going to have to make this a quickie update.

I met Master F a few Saturdays ago at Bar Sinister. He tied me up and whipped me. At the end of the night he sat next to me and put me over his knee and spanked me. He told me to find him on Myspace to keep in touch. I was so intrigued by the fact that he was a professional dom that I hunted down his profile on Myspace. We were emailing back and forth for about a week and a half before he asked me out on a date. I met him at Boardner's for drinks and made out with him.

This past Saturday he put me and a few of my friends on the list at Bar Sinister. I swear I have not been so excited about anything since I moved to L.A.! The thought of being whipped again by Master F was exhilarating! Who knew that being tied up and dominated could be so liberating. I'm going to see him again this Wednesday at Hell. More stories to come! :D

Life goes on (and so should we)

There have been way too many ups and downs for me in the last week and a half. Losing my job, having family over, losing my apartment, realizing I can't support myself for more than one month, rekindling things with M, having things fall apart with M (yes, again), and starting over new with EVERYTHING. Having said all that, sorry I haven't updated in a while.

I have a new contract lined up at Kaiser Sunset (in Hollywood), which means it's totally feasible and practical to pick an apartment in West Hollywood (WeHo for the uninformed). I can't wait to live in Gay Central! Last night I celebrated this much needed bit of good news at two "hip and trendy" places in Hollywood: Les Deux and Geisha House. Les Deux is a lounge type deal where people go to see and be scene. Many celebs go there and drop $1200 just to reserve a table. Unfortunately they didn't have ANY FOOD (aside from the handful of olives I snatched from the bar) so my brand new friends (with whom I'm staying) and I went to Geisha House for sushi.

Here is a picture of me, Koala (I'm using her screen name.. she's an up and coming actress with whom I'm staying until I find a place), and Koala's friend (whom I shall call Shark) at Les Deux.


Another place I went to recently that is worthy of note is The Getty. It is THE most gorgeous art museum EVER. Pretty much the whole building is made of white marble.. did I mention that it's 25,000 square feet? And the garden! Oh the garden... exquisite. I wish I had my camera with me.. I'll just have to make another trip. I saw paintings by Monet, Pissaro, Degas, and Manet.. in ONE room! The Zoopia exhibit was bad ass, too.To top it off, it doesn't cost a thing to get in! Well, you pay $8 to park, but that's standard in L.A.

Falling into old habits

I went to Miss Kitty's this past Friday and ran into M again. Did I turn and run the other way like any sane girl would do?

No, of course not!

I was drunk so I confronted him. Long story short, we ended up taking a cab back to his place. The next day we went to brunch with his BFF MC. After brunch we went shopping and just had a blast hanging out with each other all day long! I didn't get home until 6pm Saturday.. 18 hours later! We're closer to each other now than we were before.. We'll see how this goes.

And I heard back from my gay boyfriend! He didn't get mugged and is on track to straightening out his credit card and passport situation.

Oh, and my contract got canceled yesterday. I'm jobless. And my mom and sister are flying out tomorrow to stay with me for four days. I get to pretend like nothing's wrong when really I'll be freaking out inside. I love my life sometimes.

Meeting new people

I had the most interesting night. Let me start from the beginning.

I was bored so I decided to Google things to do in L.A. I came across this place called Fubar that has karaoke on Tuesday nights. Having no other interesting prospects lined up I decided to check it out. So I went there and met a bunch of cool new people. There was one girl who moved here from Ireland and is a singer. She did "Creep" by Radiohead. She did an AMAZING job!! In fact, most of the people there were just insanely good singers.

I went outside to smoke and noticed a guy talking on his cell phone. Talking isn't the right term here.. he was bitching someone out on his cell phone. He hung up on whoever it was he was talking to and started bitching to me (with his gorgeous Australian-spent-a-lot-of-time-in-London accent) about his brother being disrespectful to their mother, or something like that. We got to talking and it turns out that it was his birthday and he just moved back to L.A. (he lived in L.A. for two years before moving back home six months ago) two days before. We bonded over the fact that we both like boys and our birthdays were just a day apart and we had nobody really with whom to celebrate.

On top of not being able to celebrate his birthday, he lost his passport and luggage at the airport and the hostel where he was staying had already closed its doors for the night. AND he didn't have access to cash because his debit/credit card didn't work here in the U.S. for whatever reason.

The night went on and we tried to find a cute, available gay boy for him so he could hook up and get free drinks as well as a place to stay that night. No luck. Around 1:30 we decided that Fubar was not looking promising so we hopped in my car, threw the top down and headed to Beige at Falcon's Lair. However, by the time we got there the place wasn't letting anybody in because they close at 2.

We started to walk back to my car when we happened upon a small group of beautiful gay men leaving Beige. We inquired about after-hours places nearby. The conversation took off from there. Ron got Cameron's card and I got Mark's number. Ron and I got back into my car and headed to Avalon, the place Mark suggested. Well, we couldn't find the place. My GPS couldn't even find it!

I asked Aussie where I could drop him off. He said that since I live downtown to just drop him off near downtown and he would figure out something. He said he would go to the Embassy in the morning to straighten out his passport situation. I almost offered to let him stay at my place, but I had just met him so I decided not to. I felt so bad for him!

He mentioned earlier that his parents owned some hotels in L.A., so I suggested he try to stay at one of them. He said "I'm bloody 24, I need to start taking care of myself. I'll call you tomorrow love!" With that he was off into the dark night. I hope I hear from him so that I know he didn't get mugged or murdered!

Flashbacks

I was at Miss Kitty's earlier tonight and met a cute guy with the most beautiful biceps, forearms and hands. I couldn't keep my hands off of him! We talked, danced, and drank. I ended up making out with him and while it was nice, I kept flashing back to the way M kissed me and touched me. I don't want M (because he's obviously a douchebag) but I want to connect with somebody like I did with him. Just without the false promises and superficial bullshit.

That's just it, right? Does one exist without the other? Can you be that deeply sexually and intellectually attracted to someone without some sort of falsification to make it happen?

I was so distracted by thoughts of M that I ended up deciding that if Biceps called me I wouldn't answer. He may be really hot, but my mind has decided that he's not up to par with M. I want so desperately to have a relationship, but at the same time I don't want to settle down. I want someone who loves me unconditionally and is always there for me, but I want them to pretty much give up their lives so I can act on my whims to relocate.

In other news, I've begun reading The Vagina Monologues. I love it! I knew I had to buy the book when I busted out laughing in the middle of Barnes and Noble. I bought it yesterday evening and am almost finished with it. Also while out shopping at The Grove yesterday I bought these boots in black:

They were my birthday splurge. And yes, you should be jealous.

Missed Connection

Here's a missed connection ad I put up on Craigslist:

I'm the girl on the balcony, you were driving by my apartment building - w4m - 22

Thursday evening (8/16) you drove down St. Paul Avenue in your silver BMW with the top down. You stared up at me as you drove by while I was sitting out on my balcony. I would have waved to you, but I was deep in thought and didn't realize until too late that you noticed me.

Well, I got a few fake replies, then this morning I checked my email and behold, a possible winner!

Here's what he said in his email:

Subject: We should try this again...

...I'll drive by in my silver convertible and this time we'll both wave.... :)
Whadya think??



He certainly LOOKS like the guy who drove by. I'll try to get him to drive by again, just so I know if it's actually the same person. I mean, really, what're the odds that he would have found my ad on Craigslist? Slim, very slim. We shall see.

On a less hopeful note, M has disappeared into the land of lost, forgotten men. How do things turn to shit so quickly and unexpectedly??

Now THIS is cool!

A few Sundays I was on my way to work when my usual route to the 110 via Figueroa St. was blocked off. It was closed because there was a movie being filmed there and there was gunfire and explosions. Well, I drove by there during the week to see what all the fuss was about and got these pictures.





Isn't that cool??? An actual building got shot up for this movie. I was of course curious about what movie had a big enough budget to close down a downtown Los Angeles city block and shoot up buildings. Get this.. It's the latest Will Smith movie.

Overhaul

So I had a blog on myspace, but there are aspects of my life that I want separate from such a public forum. This seems like a good solution.

I guess I should make my first post a dramatic one.

First off, I think I got pink eye from a patient I had Monday night. Ick!! I'm hoping and praying (as much as an agnostic would) that I don't actually have it.

Second, M (my current.. err.. flame) told me he loves me twice. And I didn't say anything back either time. I had no idea what to say!!! Here's the situation..

Last night M called me and said I should join him and his friends at Spanish Kitchen for $2 taco night. They were washing their cheap food down with $18 margaritas. Only in L.A. would one find a margarita with FIVE shots of tequila in it.

After dinner we all headed to Beige. There was talking, flirting, meeting new people. It was wonderful!!! Culture shock moment of the week: It's not unusual for a guy to take your bra off of you in public. I looked to M's BFF (whom I shall refer to as MC for the awesome ass Mini Cooper she drives) for help as M was unhooking my bra and pulling down the straps. Her words: "Just go with it!" MC grabbed my bra from M and hid it under a cushion. As much as I dislike PDA, there was lots of it going on.. everywhere!!

Needless to say, I ended up at M's place. We were lying in bed talking (seriously!), when he gazed at me, brushed a stray piece of hair from my eyes and said "I love you". He immediately realized what he said and made a swift recovery with "Your personality, I love your personality." I was so relieved that he made an attempt to cover because I had no idea how to respond!! All was fine and good until the next morning when we were.. uh.. expressing our feelings for each other physically that he whispered "I love you" to me. Instead of saying anything back I just moaned and pretended not to hear.

I really really like M, but I haven't even known him a month and I honestly don't think I have enough to offer emotionally. I'm going through a lot right now, trying to adjust and also figure out my next move. I really REALLY don't want to have to deal with this right now. Wouldn't most girls love to hear those three words come out of a boy's mouth? I'm a freak of nature, I guess..